Note to self:

Do not make a “schedule” of posts. You will not even remotely follow it and not post for 3 months. Also, maybe you should post a little more since you just paid for more hosting after feeling guilty letting the account lapse and the site off for a couple of weeks. It’s not cheap, you can’t afford it, so don’t waste it this time.

I’m back for the 400th time, and not promising anything but trying to more present on this blog.

And probably an update on my theme, because I’m kinda not feeling it anymore. Maybe. We’ll see.


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After this first week back at work ended, I realized that doing a blog every day wasn’t going to happen on top of doing the three videos a week I was also making. I had every intention to write about California towards the end of the week and that didn’t happen, nor did I have the time. I didn’t like it, and got stressed. When I get stressed it makes it even worse. And truthfully, this is just a blog I write in. I don’t make money off of it, nobody cares what I do on it. But I care, and that seems to be a problem.

But I still want to write (because I like writing, and to grow as a writer I have to do it more) and I still want to make myself stick to a schedule (because I’m a procrastinator so I need the structure). I want to make this a priority, but something needs to happen to make it a reality.

So here’s what I’m proposing:

  • Mondays: Weigh in/health updates
  • Wednesdays: What I Ate in Pictures, or a special post if one comes up
  • Fridays: Reviews (products, restaurants, etc)

Sound good?

This means that if you really like me, you’ll see content from me almost every day (my video posting schedule is Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays and I’ve found that I really like it so it’ll probably stay a thing). Awesome.

See you on Monday.


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Motivation and Creativity

I’m pushing off posting the last of my California pictures another day…because I can. I also felt like just writing today as opposed to talking about pictures.

My car is finally back in my possession, which is nice because getting to and from work would have been a lot harder if it were gone for much longer. I’m glad that the stress and anxiety is gone because of this, and I can focus on other things.

I’m on my second day of wearing my FitBit and getting up earlier for my H4H challenge this week, and I am happy to say that I am succeeding in both. Today it was hard to wake up, though, so it wasn’t as early as I wanted to. It was mostly do to not going to sleep till very late which always makes waking up even harder. Hopefully that with not getting as much sleep last night I’ll be able to fall asleep early tonight.

I wanted to talk about some things because I’ve been on a creative high since I left VidCon and California. It might be because of the combination of doing something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time and actually allowing myself to give into that plays a part in this. Not caring about insecurities or obstacles and just being in a space where there is so much excitement about creation, has caused me to really step back and look at the things that I want to do. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so excited about making videos, or even writing blog posts here. I have ideas that I’m following through with. I’ve been keeping up on a schedule. I’ve even been writing a lot more. And it’s been easier to do all of these things. I don’t feel like I’m perpetually behind.

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, I started to think about some of the projects I have been planning to do for a long time and have never had the courage to, or know where to start. And then, I just started writing. I have so many ideas that I’m finally putting down on paper and coming up with some exciting things. And I’m really happy that I will start being able to do them. Anxiety can put such a weight on things that I want to do, and stop me from doing so very many things. I always felt that maybe I wasn’t good enough, or that I didn’t have the qualifications to say what I needed to say. I’ve been slowly chipping away at that anxiety and saying fuck it. I’ll do what I want.

Obviously I won’t do something like make a whole video about diet and health when I have no background or teaching in it and could lead to someone else getting hurt, but I’m going to stop telling myself maybe or what if and just do it. I’ve been wanting to do a series on veganism for a while. I want to focus on making it more accessible to people who may feel it’s hard, or feel that they might be an outsider in the vegan community. I want it to be real (contrary to what you’ve heard from other vegans, giving up cheese is really hard), and I want it to help people in a direction where they can feel more comfortable with the idea. I think it’s going to be a great series, and I think I’ll have a lot of fun doing it and coming up with new ideas.

I think another thing that has been hard for me in terms of creation on my videos is that I don’t really have anyone in my life, especially here in Louisville, who gets it. YouTube is some foreign object that I have to explain in detail about, and still get met with weird looks. It’s hard to get past that feeling of loneliness or being made to feel weird about what you like to do because others don’t get it. I know that for me it really pulls on my insecurities and heightens my anxiety,  sending my self confidence down. I’m still trying to move past that (it’s not going to happen overnight) and it is still really hard at times, but I’ve been slowly adjusting to trying not to care, or just focusing on making great, meaningful content.

As a side bonus, I really think that it is one of the biggest reasons I’m being successful in the H4H challenge, and that I’m seeing it on the scale. I’m much more willing to do the challenges and strive to be better than I have in a long time. Schedules and new routines have not only helped me better manage time (which is a struggle now that I’m into my first week back at work) and routine helps with my cravings and binges. I focus on other things than weight, food, and how I look. And it’s been really great.



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Hot 4 Halloween Week #2

It’s already been a crazy day. Today was the first day back at work, and I stepped in the car this morning, turned over the key. And nothing happened.


Anyways, here’s my update for the Hot 4 Halloween challenge!

This week went really well for me. I wasn’t perfect, but I did focus on the things I wanted to. I really focused on my eating and while I didn’t make super awesome choices, I still made better choices and focused on not giving into cravings. It worked, because I was down 5 lbs! I didn’t expect it at all. I knew that I wasn’t going to gain, but I wasn’t expecting that much weight down.

I was still off work this past week so I really didn’t do a lot of movement. Like, at all. I had joined a challenge off of the Facebook group on FitBit and I wore my Charge once and that was it for the entire challenge. I felt bad that I had accepted the challenge and didn’t even do any of it. I think if I had tracked every day it would have been better, but I didn’t even do that. I joined again this week, so hopefully I can be more of a participant this round.

We’ll see how this week goes for me, it is the first week of work so this could hurt or help me (especially since I’m now gaining at least 5,000 steps per day). My extra goal for the week is to really focus on making habits: wearing my FitBit so I don’t forget it, and getting up early. Here’s to a good week, hope everyone else’s was great! :)

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Your Illness is Not Your Fault

I’ll start back up with my blog posts about California next week, but I wanted to write about a video I just saw from Hank Green that really made me think, and resonated with me. I think you should watch it, because right now I can’t come up with anything eloquent to add to the topic that he doesn’t. There is a line that I think is powerful enough on it’s own: “I can’t avoid the truth that this is the body that I am in.” Whether it be a disease that attacks your body, or a disease that attacks the mind everyone has to remember that it is not your fault that you ended up with it. The only thing that you can do is learn and grow from it, and figure out the best ways to cope.

It’s extremely hard battling the demons in your head while well meaning people are trying to offer advise. It’s hard to deal with and not hurt your progress, but know that others don’t understand your struggles. If you are someone who gives advise like this, learn that it might be more hurtful than good. Take a step back and realize what works for you, and make that you’re goal. You are the only one who know’s your body that well.

It’s not your fault, and it’s ok.

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VidCon Day 3

Day 3 of VidCon!

If you haven’t checked out the first two post you can find them here: Day 1 or Day 2

The last day of the convention was my slowest one. I didn’t go to very many panels, and spent most of the time hanging out in the two creator lounges.IMG_5699The Patreon lounge was definitely my favorite. They had unlimited Starbucks drip coffee (with soy milk!), a number of teas, and juice. In both lounges the seating had plugs to charge devices. The Patreon lounge had a small stage where there were people singing. It was much more chill than the Famebit one (which had arcade games, and was geared more for the younger crowd). It was really nice to sit and relax. Most people were hanging out working on their computer or writing. I wish I had spent more time in the lounges during the weekend, but I know now for next year.IMG_5700

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